Usopp's Witchy Tale
by The Wandering Swordsman
Summary: Dedicated to Te Inu Fighter Usopp told a 'lie' about his ancestors being witches and Luffy completely believes in it.


**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.**

**This idea just popped out of nowhere. It was past Halloween, Thanksgiving, and even Valentine's Day. I guess it was the candy and a lot of tea that made me have this...weird yet...Hope you enjoy it. I think I did.

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It all started when Usopp decided to make up another funny (but lie) story to Luffy and Chopper.

Luffy and Chopper were rolling on the floor, trying to pass the time. Sanji was in the kitchen making snacks for Nami and Robin-only. Usopp was sitting at a corner around the back of the Merry Go, inventing something useful, yet not usual objects. Zoro was on the very top of the mast, doing push-ups with only one finger to keep his balance. Nami and Robin were on the upper deck of the ship sipping tea and eating cookies as they enjoy the sweet life on the ship.

Nami drank the last drop of her tea and annoyingly stared at Luffy and Chopper. "Luffy!!!"

Luffy stopped for a minute and crossed his legs in a pretzel fashion. "Nn!? What Nami!?"

"How many times do you have to keep rolling? It's tiring for me and Robin. Right Robin?"

Robin placed her hand on her mouth and giggled, "I don't mind."

Nami looked away. "No use. She's too happy. USOPP!!!"

Usopp stopped adjusting a screw on a belt-like object and skipped over to the table. "What Nami?"

Nami pointed to Luffy and Chopper who were still rolling and having fun. "Go tell them one of your interesting 'lies' so they will stop rolling."

Usopp placed his hands on his hips and frowned, "That is rude! My stories aren't lies; they're true!! And look, they're having f-"

"NOW USOPP."

"Okay okay, I will. sheesh..."

Usopp trudged over to the laughing stock and sighed. He looked up and with his two slender hands, he abruptly stopped them from rolling. "Um...Luffy...Chopper...L-let me tell you a story about my secret life that I never told to anybody..."

Luffy's eyes glittered. "_Secret_!? I love secrets!! Tell me tell me tell me!!!" Chopper also replied in the same way for he wanted to be a strong pirate and thought that talking like one will make him stronger. From the corner of Usopp's eye, he saw that Nami finally lowered her shoulders and called Sanji for another cup of tea. _At least she's happy...now what?_ Usopp tapped his head while Luffy and Chopper were jumping up and down waiting anxiously for Usopp's story. A light bulb finally appeared in Usopp's eyes and took a deep breath before starting his story.

"This secret...the secret is...my bloodline goes all the way to the era of the witches!!"

"Witches!?"

"Yeah, witches! I have an old bloodline of witches and wizards so I can be able to fly on a broom, talk to bats, cats, and any animal you can think of, and make potions!! I can do all those things...just I don't do it much often in public."

Chopper raised his hand, "Why!?"

"Hn? Well, that's because there are these witch and wizard hating people who want to catch them and KILL them. I don't want to get killed so I disguise myself as a pirate. My dad, granddad, great-granddad, great-great-granddad, and other granddads became pirates so they will be able to hide their _identity_!!!"

Luffy's body was shivering violently, which meant he was really really excited. "Can we see you fly!!?"

Usopp waved a finger at him. "Tsk tsk tsk. Luffy, this is _public_. I can't show you _magic_ stuff in public. The Navy or 'witch and wizard hating people' will capture me-and you don't want that to happen, right?"

"...right..."  
Usopp smiled. "Good! Well, that's the 'short and simple' past life about me." he placed his pointer finger to his lips, "It's a secret you guys, don't tell anyone about it." He finished it with a wink, spread his arms and made a crackled laugh to sound like a witch. Chopper screamed and placed his hooves on his ears; Luffy laughed and clapped his hands.

Chopper quivered and stared at Luffy with fearful eyes. "Is Usopp really a...witch...?"

Luffy blinked. "I guess so! His stories are always true!" Chopper jumped and climbed all the way to the crow's nest to cling onto Zoro's arm for comfort.

This story was forgotten until the following week.

The thick musky clouds were covering the oceans of the Grandline like a thick blanket. Nami called it 'fog' but her crew called it 'the mystery clouds.' Everyone was walking around in all directions even though they can only see a foot clearly and the further it went the harder it was to see. It took a while for Sanji to pass all the snacks (white bread with cream frosting) to his crew because of the fog.

Luffy was hopping in all directions on the ship, Zoro following him so he can keep Luffy from falling overboard. "Zoro, where's Usopp?"

Zoro cracked his neck and yawned. "In the crow's nest. He's keeping watch...if he can see that is..." Luffy nodded his head, finished eating the bread, and squinted up to the crow's nest.

He saw a figure of a man-obviously Usopp-and was waving at something. Luffy squinted even more and gasped when he saw some flying objects fluttering around Usopp. The fluttering objects flapped around Usopp; some landing on his head and some landed on the edges of the crow's nest. Luffy just had to scream. "ZORO!!!!"

Zoro rushed up to him-actually bumped into him and regained his balance. "What!?" With trembling hands, he pointed to the crow's nest. Zoro blankly stared up and his eyes met with Luffy again. "Nhn...what? I see a crow's nest."

"Usopp...is talking to bats!!!!"

Zoro blinked and looked up again. "Umm...I don't think that's bats Luffy..."

Luffy shook Zoro's shoulders so violently that it scared him. "IT'S BATS ZORO!! HE SAID HE CAN TALK TO BATS!!! HE'S A WITCH!!!"

Zoro grabbed both of Luffy's wrists and flung them off. "Witch!? Where did you hear that from!?"

"...Usopp..."

Zoro's eyes widened and started to laugh. It took him a while to stop laughing.

Luffy pouted. "-A-and...he talks to Chopper!!"

Zoro laughed again, but harder. "Lu-Luffy! We can all understand Chopper's talk!!! Luffy, Usopp makes good stories, but you know that they're lies. Usopp can't be a witch...or a wizard. He's one hundred percent human-like us."

"I'm not human because I ate a devil fruit and obviously you're not human."

"Just shut up."

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The fog cleared up and the bright sun shined on the Merry Go. Nami was shocked and yelled at her crew for the mess they made while the fog was floating by. "Clean this mess right now, or I will kill you." They quickly obeyed (especially Sanji)-they didn't want to see the wrath of Nami. Zoro and Chopper cleaned the back side of the Merry Go, Luffy and Sanji worked on the front and upper deck, and Usopp was cleaning around Nami's orange trees. Nami and Robin were inside, reading newspapers and books. Luffy brushed away the crumbs of bread pieces off the side of the ship and sat on the edge of the brush. "Sanji, I'm hungry"

"I already fed you enough bread. Eat the ones on the floor then." Luffy frowned and looked over to the uncleaned area with bread crumbs. He dragged his legs over to the area and lavishly brushed them off the ship.

At a corner of his eye, Luffy saw a shadowy figure fly by and disappear in a flash. He quickly turned and twitched at the sound of broken barrels and wood. Sanji dropped his brush and dustpan and rushed over to the cause. Luffy and Sanji saw Usopp in the middle of the pile of wood pieces, with a broom in his hand. "What happened!?"

Usopp gave a weak chuckle. "I guess I'm not really good with heights...think I need more balancing skills..."  
"What?"

"Ha!?...oh nothing." Usopp rubbed his arm and realized that there was a cut right across it. He quickly stood up and walked to Chopper for a band-aid and a 'germ check.'

Luffy stood there completely still, terrified of what had happened few minutes ago. "S-s-s-s-sanji..."

"What?" Sanji's eyes met with Luffy's, "What happened to you? You seem _scared_."

"I am scared!!! Sanji, Usopp is a witch!!!"

Sanji backed away and raised both hands. "Whoa whoa whoa. What are you talking about-"

"Usopp flew on a broom!!!!"

Sanji looked at the pile of broken barrels and back at Luffy again. He did this a few times before talking. "Falling from Nami-san's orange trees to the floor is called _flying_ for you."

Luffy glared at him. "_I saw him fly_."

Sanji rubbed Luffy's waxy black hair and smiled. "You have a great imagination. Now, I'll go and make dinner ready." Sanji left Luffy standing there and walked to the kitchen. Usopp came out of the room with a roll of bandages on his arm. "Oh Usopp, great timing. Can you help me with cooking tonight? I'm making a new dish and I might need more hands."

Usopp shrugged. "Okay." Usopp followed Sanji back in the kitchen/dining room. Zoro walked towards Luffy and pointed to the debris. "You're going to clean that right?"

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The nice aroma of dinner filled up the nostrils of one hungry little child on the Merry Go. Luffy lay flat on the ground and whined "I'm hungry!! When is it going to be done!?"

Nami lowered the newspaper to her nose and frowned. "I don't know. Sanji-kun told us already that it'll take a while. If you want dinner to come quick, you should help him." Luffy didn't want to help, but he did want dinner quick. So he listened to his stomach and went to the kitchen. "SANJICan I help you with something!?" He turned the knob and a gush of strong aroma of food flew past him. Luffy loved the smell. _It must be good♥_ He saw Sanji sitting on the dining table peeling the skins of potatoes with the speed of lightning. "Not really. Usopp's helping."

Luffy looked over to the stove to see Usopp-mixing a pot. Luffy screamed and caused Usopp to trip and Sanji to cut his finger. Sanji yelled in pain and licked his finger as quickly as possible. Usopp hit the floor head first and fainted. Nami, Zoro, Chopper, and Robin all crashed into the kitchen to see what was the problem. Nami spoke first. "W-wha...what happened...?"

Luffy took a deep breath and screamed. "USOPP'S MAKING A POTION!!!"

All of his crew's eyebrows twitched at the same time. Robin was the only one who didn't twitch; she giggled. "A...a potion?"

Zoro walked over to the pot and took out a spoonful of broth and drank it. "Tastes like food to me. What's wrong with you really?"

"Usopp can fly a broom, make potions, and talk to bats!!! He's a witch!!!"

Nami walked over to Luffy and socked him. "LUFFY! Stop acting as if you're stupid! Usopp is normal!! He's not a witch!!!"

Nami and Luffy saw Usopp sat up slowly, rubbing his head and groaned. "Ow...what'd you do that for Luffy?"

"Luffy thinks that you're a witch."

"Ha!?"

Luffy jabbed his finger in front of Usopp's nose. "You're a witch!!! Even your face looks like one!!!"

"That is rude!! This nose came from my mom!!" Usopp's voice lowered, "Luffy, that whole story was a lie-it's not true."

Chopper was shocked. "What!? It wasn't true!?"

"It isn't true. So cut the whole story about the witchy stuff, okay?"

Luffy stared at Usopp with an expression that nobody couldn't read. Luffy finally smiled. "I'm hungry!" Everyone was relived and went to what they were doing. Everyone-except Usopp. Usopp remained standing in the kitchen and made a crackle laugh. "If that _lie_ was a _lie_ that is..."

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**THE END**

**Is Usopp a witch or not!? Nobody will know. I won't know. The world won't know. **

**Read first, review now. **


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